LOVE! I've been thinking a lot about love. The kind you're supposed to feel when you are with a partner. The kind romance books and movies talk about.
The kind you are led to believe you must seek when you get older in order to be at your happiest.
I've come to just realise that it's an illusion and that kind of "love" is unattainable because it doesn't exist like that.
The reason I believe this is because of the following:
I've been working on meditating and connecting to myself in order to reach a higher state of consciousness.
One of the less tedious ways to do this is to visualise being in love and the emotions that run with the feeling of being in love. If you try this now you'll find that your feelings start to change and perhaps you feel what you felt when you were last in love.
I started to think about being in love and I realised that wanting, yearning and needing to be with someone when I was last "in love" was not pure love. It was not as joyous as many believe because you are in a constant state of underline fear.
I say fear because you don't want to loose this person, you want their attention all the time. You crave them and you need them to feel happy or whole.
When they don't live up to your expectation or let you down in anyway because let's face it they are only human you feel hurt.
Your fears of loosing them or not feeling loved by them resonates highly in your hole being.
You start to play games or compromise who you really are to keep them.
Then you may succeed in getting them and build a life together.
All this underpinned by the need for that love you're supposed to give each other.
Then you have the ups and downs of any relationship. A lot of compromising of each other's happiness because of your Union and need for that love starts to manifest itself.
Even when it's not a good relationship you stay and try to make it work because you must have that connection and that love.
Now I am not saying all relationships are like this. But 90% of them are. This kind of love is also reflected between friends.
I believe that the love that gives you 100% pure joy and happiness is the one you have with yourself.
I think back to when I'm at my most happiest, it is always with myself. When I was a kid and playing by myself and doing my own thing with no care in the world. That's pure untainted love and happiness.
So I've come to the conclusion that the seeking of that romantic love to fulfil your life and to bring you peace and happiness is non existent. It will never happen. Ever. Because no one human being can make you happy or give you peace or make you feel the pure love you need to grow in life.
You must tap into the love for yourself and allow that to be enough. Truth be told your own love to yourself is unlimited. It is boundless and it can be anything you want it to be. You can tap into it when ever you want.
So many people don't even know they have the capability to love themselves or to nurture their souls through their own source of love because they are spending all of their energy trying to suck it out of someone else. Guess what you can't!
I bet you if you are really honest with yourself right now while reading this and ask yourself whether you have felt the kind of love you felt for yourself when you were a kid and had no care in the world from someone else, I can bet the answer is no! Because it is impossible for someone to give all that love to you like that. It comes with concessions.
So the next question is how do you then achieve the purest kind of love from yourself so that you don't become a love vampire seeking to suck it from others.
Well I believe it starts with going back to basics. Go back to doing things you really enjoy doing.
Many people will say but I don't know what I like doing (yeah cause you spend so much time working out what he or she likes so you can get their love), my answer would be go back to when you were a kid and think about the things you used to love doing. Do one or some of them. You will find that it will develop and grow into something else. You will start to think about what you like and it will spill into something else and your mind will create a whole new world for you.
Basically starting from there will evolve into something else.
That's how play works, it changes and it develops.
If you can spend time doing the things you love, you will have no care in the world because nothing else matters. That time you spend on you is feeding your source with pure love.
I can hand on heart say that I have never felt the kind of love I am meant to feel from being in love or from another person like the one I feel when I am in my element. My love for me is kind, it's peaceful, it's deep, it's calm, it's boundless and more. That is the kind of love you need to be seeking and the only place to get it is from you.
Don't get it twisted being in love with someone and loving them is great yes but it's not what will make you completely happy like you need to be.
Enjoy the other person but let them be free.
If two people who loved themselves and knew they didn't need to receive love from the other person to feel complete were to get together, that relationship would be something else.
I know that it is what I will be looking for in my relationships.
I personally do not wish to be the complete source of another souls happiness and requirement for love.
We should be able to provide this for ourselves and just bloody enjoy each other.
The thought of that kind of vampire love as I call it, makes me feel exhausted.
So for the love of all things good, don't be a love vampire because you will never win or be happy!