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How to be a woman according to the world; observations by a confused female

June 19, 2018


  • Love your body as it is!

  • But lose some weight if you’re over a size 14. It’s unhealthy and unattractive.

  • Don’t lose too much weight though. Men like a little meat on their bones!

  • Also, make sure you shave or wax all your hair off. We don’t even want to see hairy legs on the model in the ad for Venus razors.

  • Your period is something natural and normal. If you don’t get it, there’s probably something wrong with you.

  • If you do have your period; gross! Don’t tell anyone, TMI! Get that tampon box off your bathroom shelf – no one wants to see that!

  • Though we will need to know when you are “PMSing” so we can promptly dismiss your feelings and emotions as hysteria.

  • Just had a baby? Congratulations! Better get yourself back to work soon – you don’t want to put your career in jeopardy or lose yourself in being JUST a mother.

  • Just had a baby? Congratulations! Don’t go back to work too soon; you’ll be abandoning your child.

  • Fight for what you believe in!

  • Don’t interrupt anyone or be too emphatic about it though. You’re over reacting, calm down!

  • Get to the gym; it’s important to stay fit.

  • Don’t get muscly though, you’ll look like man! Eww!

  • Be nice to the sleazy guy hitting on you at the bar! He just likes you; take it as a compliment – don’t be a bitch!

  • Don’t go home with anyone though…what a slut!

  • When choosing an outfit, make sure you cover up, but be sexy, but not too sexy – skank – but show off your figure, but be modest, but not to sl……..

  • Embrace your flaws!

  • Just don’t let them show.

Seeing as there’s literally no right way to be you may as well focus on just being your best self!


x LA x



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