As a so called "broken" person which by the way there are many of us in the world, we can sometimes feel lost and lose sense of who we are!
In my case I spent 90% of my life in survival mode. I survived for myself and my family. I was the glue that held all of us together and I never had any time for me.
Although I have achieved a lot in my lifetime, I have always felt as though it was and is not enough. It's not enough simply because who I truly am and what I truly wish to achieve is buried deep in my subconscious. I never had the opportunity to celebrate any of my achievements.
Growing up, I never had the chance to explore who I am and what I want to achieve outside of survival mode, so now that I am in a position to do and be anything I want I don't know who or what that is. If someone should give me a magic wand and say manifest any life you want, I wouldn't know what to manifest.
I am sure I am not the only one.
However I have taken steps to work it out and one of the best decision I have made in my life is to see Mari Williams a Cognitive Hypnotherapist, aka The Mind Architect. With her help I am putting everything into perspective so that I can finally get on with being me.
Once I leave a session with her, my work doesn't stop because the session is over. The work she does sets your brain up to carry on untangling and churning long after the session. This week I have been focusing on doing and being.
The work Mari does allows your brain to find it's own way out of the blockages you have placed in your way.
My biggest block is working out who I am!
So my brain has been focused on working it out and creating it's own solutions for the problem.
This week I realised that I have done so much and I have achieved so much since I was a little girl. I have done more than is required by most little girls and women that I know. I am one hell of a woman and I never really appreciated and celebrated this, because I felt it was never enough.
I realised that in order to move forward with my quest of discovering who I am, I must bring myself together and recognise all that I have done and achieved. But most importantly who I am today!
I have to say when I look at it this way, I am such an amazing woman.
My level of empathy, understanding, kindness, love and ability to be sunshine in people's lives is such an amazing thing.
I can do all this and more and never ask for anything back. Why? because it's the right thing to do!
I am a work horse and I have been blessed with a brain that can create anything it wants. I can literally make anything happen if I believe in it.
I am now going to list everything I have ever achieved, small or big and spend time celebrating every single one of them.
I am going to have my own awards ceremony and praise myself for being me.
I think it's very important that we don't lose sight of who we are now and what we have accomplished so far in our journey of being our version of a human being.
In my case, I do not show any value or love to everything I have achieved so far. When I look at it mentally it feels like as I create or achieve something I throw it behind me in a sea full of debris. The debris is all that I have experienced, achieved, done and become.
To even see it as debris isn't the best way forward and I no longer wish to have all that I am and all I have become and all I have done to be scattered behind me in an ocean to be lost to myself.
I plan to cast a net and pull them all into me. I want to own every single one of them and be extremely and obnoxiously proud of them, like a parent is when their child create and does anything.
I think that in life, if we can't be our own champions in all that we have done and who we are as of right now then we will spend forever trying to fill something we already have. I have done it unconsciously and I realise it's counter productive.
No bullshit, if you want to know where you should be going or who you are or what you want, you have to know who you have become and celebrate it. Own it. Love it, be super proud of it, so there is no question in your mind about who the fuck you are now.
Who you are now is just as important as who you will become. It becomes your anchor and your ground to build on.
Your journey through life is never really about anyone else but you!
Yes you have lots you want to achieve in life and okay you're stuck and don't know how to move forward, but perhaps in order to take that next step you have to know who you are now.
And when I say know who you are now, I don't mean write it down and see it for what it is, but I mean feel it like you feel rain on your face. Feel it like the sun on a hot day.
You and I need to feel it, rely on it and have faith in it as much as we do waking up each morning.
We trust that when we go to sleep every night, that we will wake up each morning.
That's the kind of knowing I mean when I say know yourself now.
Trust in all that you are now, have faith in your ability to be you now. Forget what tomorrow will bring or the stress of figuring out who you will become tomorrow. It'll happen anyway and the work you do today in owning you like your life depends on it will shape everything else.
You don't have to worry about the future so much. Instead focus on today and being happy with all you have today.
Yes I know it's not that easy but it is a choice you can makes just like that!
So if you are reading this, I urge you as I have myself to cast that wide net and pull all you have done and experienced into yourself with a deep sense of knowing and faith.
I will be doing the work of "pulling myself together" and I'll share with you all what happens over the next few weeks.
In the mean time, have fun being you and take each moment you have to LIVE!
Much Love Sarah Martin xoxo